Fluctuations And Other Obscenities

A Chinaman walks into a restaurant and orders some food. After the meal, he looks at the bill and asks why it is so expensive this week when last week he paid 20% less for the same dishes. The waiter replies:" Fluctuations", to which the Chinaman replies, "Fluck you too."

A Jew says to a Chinaman:" Hey you chink, stop squinting!" The Chinaman replies," Hey, it's your fault, Jew, you sold me these cheap glasses!"

This ends my little presentation. Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen.

Prices are going down, and portions are going up. Oh, wait, that's the other way around. Ah well. Guess it will do me good to eat less than eight meals a day. Yeah, I used to eat breakfast, a mid-morning snack, brunch, lunch, an afternoon nibble, tea, dinner, coffee and finally, supper. Oh, and add in various miscellaneous bites of this and that when I'm feeling peckish. So yeah, I'm just your average ordinary everyday polar bear...err, I meant teenager.

Exams have ended. I might do well. Pigs might fly. Whales might walk. Aliens might exist. I might stop cracking racist and dirty jokes. Yeah, like that's ever gonna happen.

My holidays are until the 12th of October. Yep, read it and weep, buddies. 12th October. Bloody hell, that's a lot of time on my hands. Time to start getting of my arse and getting a good job. As a chef. Yeah, that's an idea. Poison people with too much sugar, milk, cream, salt, eggs, pepper and other ingredients and condiments. Oh, and salad. Wait, what? AAAAAH! Think junk food! JUNK FOOD! CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM WITH VANILLA CREAM CHOC CHIPS COOKIES CHOC SAUCE PEANUT BUTTER STRAWBERRY CREAM ICING APPLE CRUMBLE CHEESECAKE AND A BIG FROTHY MUG OF COFFEE WITH FULL FAT MILK SUGAR SOLUTION CHOC SAUCE TOPPED WITH WHIPPED CREAM SUGAR GLAZING AND A CHERRY ON TOP! Yes, much better now.

Y'know, most if not all the nice girls I know have gone to or are in other countries, are attached, or very uptight about getting attached. Was there never a tale of more woe, than Juliet, and searching desperately for her, Romeo?

But soft! What light through yonder window breaks? It is the east, and Juliet is the sun! Arise, fair sun, and slay the envious moon. It is the east, and Juliet is the sun. - From "Romeo and Juliet, Act 2 Scene 2"

Yeah, and I wrote all that without referring to my copy of R&J. Jolly well done, old boy! Good form and all that. My literature skills might be dormant, but they sure as heck still exist. That's comforting.

Moving on, my plans for the holidays, in no particular order.

1. Get The Girl.
2. Get my JJ-ness back.
3. Get a job.
4. Get money.
5. Get lots of fun.
6. Get fit.
7. Get ready to rock 'n roll.

Here's To Fast Cars, Freedom and Jiahui!